Couple Therapy for Intercultural Couples

Intercultural Couples/ Interracial Couples/ Interfaith Couples

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In our diverse world, marriages and romantic relationships between individuals from different cultures are happening more and more. While celebrating this diversity, it’s important to recognize that choosing a partner from different cultural background and developing a relationship can bring its challenges. At the beginning, someone with different cultural background might be interesting; you might enjoy the differences, and the relationship can be exciting. However, intercultural couples, interfaith couples, and interracial couples all face unique obstacles in their relationships and they seek couple therapy. 

 

The culture that we were born into plays an important role in shaping our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Our culture has an impact on our values, expectations, and relationships at large. Many times, individuals are not consciously aware of what values and expectations are important for them. Additionally, they might not predict how their differences can impact the dynamics of their relationship. After a while, differences in faith, ethnicity, race, and/or country of origin may lead to relationship conflicts. 

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The Effect of Cultural Differences

 

• Country of Origin: When one partner is an immigrant, they can be more familiar with their home country and culture. In contrast, the local partner is usually not intimately familiar with the unique cultural elements of their spouse’s home country. While the immigrant partner is typically more prepared to engage in a relationship with someone from the new culture, the local partner might encounter issues. They may expect their partner to accommodate to their local culture quickly, and might not be ready to accept differences. Individuals may feel hurt or offended if their partner appears insensitive to their experiences, minimizes their stress, or invalidates their feelings. In this situation, being culturally sensitive, learning about feeling homesick, and not expecting your partner to abandon their culture is important. Moreover, visiting your partner’s home country, accepting the partner’s country of origin as a second home, and trying to learn more about their traditions can be helpful. 

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• Language: Sometimes, each partner’s native tongue might differ, resulting in communication difficulties. In this situation, one’s choice of words, use of sarcasm, or use of slang might lead to palpable misunderstandings. When there is a language barrier, partners may overlook the emphasis of translating between their partner and their family. Furthermore, when the couple has a baby and the child picks up each parent’s native language, that might lead them to speak different language in the house—an event that may cause the other parent to feel left out. Trying to master your mutual language and attempting to learn your partner’s mother tongue can benefit your communication, thus preventing many conflicts.

 

• Faith: Practicing different religions and possessing different beliefs can be challenging for both partners, as they are forced to accept core differences. Many times, individuals might expect or demand their partners to convert to their religion or abandon their own beliefs. This is especially prevalent when the couple has a baby; the conversations around the child’s faith can escalate into conflict. While some couples are open to negotiate and more likely to compromise, others might be against leaving their values. Learning about one another’s beliefs, respecting holidays, and accepting each other’s values are crucial to the success of an interfaith relationship.

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• Race: Different racial backgrounds do not merely impact physical appearances. Interracial couples often experience conflicts regarding their racial background; moreover, they might be hurt or offended because their partner is potentially insensitive to their experience. In this situation, partners are recommended to have conversations about the challenges their partner has faced due to their race, and how that affected them emotionally. Hearing about their experiences, learning more about challenges, having empathy, and being more sensitive to their experiences will significantly help the relationship. Often, it's not enough for just one partner to educate themselves on the diverse experiences of privilege and oppression. It's equally crucial for their close family members, friends, and social circles to undergo education as well. This broader understanding fosters sensitivity towards each other's perspectives, minimizing the risk of unintentionally hurtful remarks, even if they were never intended to cause harm.

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• Relationship Roles: Couples from different cultural backgrounds might also have different expectations regarding roles in the relationship. For example, some individuals may anticipate men to be breadwinners, while expecting women to deal with household chores and take care of the children. Having conversations and reaching compromises about finances, household chores, and raising a child can be helpful.

 

• Family of Origin: Sometimes, an individual’s relationship with their family of origin might cause some problems in their romantic relationship. In some cultures, an enmeshed relationship with the family of origin might lead to the parents’ overinvolvement in the couple’s relationship. One partner might share many details about their private life with their family, which can bother their partner. Alternatively, in some cultures, a disengaged relationship with the family of origin might lead the partner to feel unloved and unaccepted by their partner’s family. Having dismissive parents can cause more issues if the partner desires emotional support from them, such as expecting closeness during stressful situations or life transitions, or expecting visits on special holidays.

 

Furthermore, each individual’s different communication styles and ways of expressing their needs can affect their relationship dynamics. In some cultures, individuals might avoid conflicts or confrontations. In others, people might be unwilling to show love or affection in front of others. Many times, unspoken expectations can lead to misunderstandings and build communication barriers.

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Couple Therapy Bucks County for Intercultural Couples

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Forming a relationship with someone who has different cultural background requires both partners to contribute extra effort into the relationship. They must communicate openly about their differences and be willing to compromise. It's important to acknowledge that you will never fully comprehend your partner's experiences, but committing to understanding and supporting them as best you can fosters trust and strengthens the bond between you. Accepting each other’s cultural heritage, having an open attitude toward differences, exploring what is important to them, negotiating differences, and creating shared values will help both partners to cope with challenges, making their relationship stronger.

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Schedule a session with a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist 

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Couples therapy Bucks County(marriage counseling/premarital counseling) can be a great way to avoid a permanent separation and provide a solid foundation for your relationship. Remember, you don't need to be in crisis to start therapy; couples therapy can also be a proactive step to strengthen and enrich your connection. Couples counseling in Bucks County can be an investment in your relationship, as improving the quality of your bond with your partner can save you years of stress, pain, and resentment.

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We offer both online and in person couples counseling Bucks County, PA focusing on communication, conflict resolution, affair recovery, and rebuilding intimacy and trust. We welcome couples from diverse cultural backgrounds including interracial, intercultural, interfaith relationships. Our approach incorporates Relational Life Therapy,  The Gottman Method, and emotionally-focused couples therapy, which is one of the most empirically validated and effective therapies for improving distressed relationships. We are here to assist you and your partner on your journey to understand each other, address past conflicts, repair injuries, move past hurts and betrayals, and increase your intimacy.